Friends, not really !

When I went to bed last night I told myself - It has happened again. People who I made my friends took me for granted again. Why I don't see friends who want to be friends with me for the sole purpose of friendship.

I had told myself that people are stupid. As stupid as I'm. They won't understand me and neither would I ever be able to understand them. Infact it was because I gave up understanding people that I stopped expecting anyone to understand me. I decided the life go by. I would live everyday. Meet my friends over weekend and have a ball of a time. But then one fine day something big happened.

That day when I was told a secret i was totally taken aback. Shocked because I had never experienced a situation like that. So when I was confronted with the truth of some friends by themselves I stayed quite. I'm only trying to accept people because one day may be I would need that kind of acceptability with my own shortcomings or situations. 

So again I was into the whole close friend drama. But then when those people started misunderstanding my extreme love and actions I backed out. I was called Judgmental and Rigid. I was sad and disappointed. I shouldn't be expecting this. But the fault I again let people let in. If I gave someone power to love I also gave them power to hurt me.

I went sleep early last night but with a heavy heart. Tried to console my own self with no one to speak to. I avoided confronting anyone because it turns around that I'm a fool who allows people to hurt and affect me. I don't want those intelligent and practical people advising me I'm at fault. I just want them to see how wrong the others were and why they should change not me.

When I woke up this morning and finally chose to share. I realized one more thing that no one is ever wanting to hear you out. Everyone their own agenda in life. When u will share your problem they will want to sort out their own misery too. Irrespective if you ready to solve their problem or no. Now that is an expectation everyone has to be heard. But at the same time when U have shared you story to relieve your own self. It just got tough for me.

The day started at a not so happy note. The feeling of being alone and being not understood is not really cool. I must sail through. I must find happiness today may be at the gym. Or may be umm... meet at old friend or call them. Because people are not gonna change  They will always have their agenda up 1st before yours. So give them an ear. Listen to them. And let go off your own pain through things you like to do. I would live my day today. I would not live it to meet anyone's expectations. Today my aim to the day would be to aim something happy. Those who want to help me towards it would be welcome. And yes I would call them friends. 

Happy New Year 2013

2013 started with much Halla Gulla. I was with my usual friends house partying on New Years eve. This time around I planned to cook. The easiest I could have thought of is making Spaghetti with either white or red sauce. I chose both for different palates. The dishes turned out oh-so-average. But then this is an usual affair. My food turns out very average tasting. But then we had Gulab Jamun made by Aditi. So I hogged on to it the most. And left the momos for next morning. We had Shilpa join us too. This may be was the last time we met her before she leaves India for good to settled down in Germany with her husband. Shiva seemed in full. He finished a bottle of wine and how !

Here are some pics from the party --

Wish U all a happy and sexy 2013.

Iss pyaar ko kya naam doo

Today a friend deleted me from her FB list. Reason - Her long time Boyfriend does not approve of me. It's just not that this story alone has such element. In past I have had girls who have deleted me for the same reason. The boy friends do not approve of me. So if I get a friend request from such people again I know it is either that their love has fallen apart or, no mostly this is the reason these girls and guys get back on the social circuit and add you back.

Love has immense power to make the most clever and sorted people act stupid. A close friend of mine chooses to over look stories of her Boyfriend cheating on her. Love is blind, indeed. Recently when I saw another girl friend of mine not in my list I knew the boy friend must have had some problem with me. They must have fought and I was out. But why do we let love not look like  love anymore ?

I always believe two people should come together and stay together if it makes them happy. If not, people should move separate ways and not waste time.

My cousin updated on Facebook - We don't have to explain we love someone, just show it. I agree so much to this. Infact this somewhere helps me sort out better. So if love exists it shows.

When I went through a bad phase it was tough for me too. I would cry all by myself alone like  a kid but then I cried not because I was made to do things against my will but because I knew I would lose that person if I didn't give in. But I couldn't give in to someones ego. Surrendering in love is what I can do best, but when ego I have to serve to I quit. I quit that one in May 2008.

Another one today sent me a MISS u text. So why did we not miss each other when it was on. Why do we show love when it is gone. I feel it is more like - I know it is over now no point being mean, send something sweet as we are no more accountable to each other, reaching to that expectation won't be expected by each other. May be a quickie might just come my way - See this is what I look at it as. You guys reading might have your own views. To this sudden text out of the blue I replied to with tonnes of smileys =D =D =D No words.

We are yet waiting for Amit to return. 25th August marks Kittu Damini Amit and my one year completion of knowing each other. We totally rocked 2012. I would ever be so thankful to these guys to have stepped into my life.

We are now planning for the 31st party. I'm sure it going to fun with some good friends around. I will post some pictures here to show you guys what I did on new years.

Stay tuned !

A weekday well spent

12th Dec 2012 turned out to be quiet an eventful day for me.

I met Neil ( my gym friend ) at the ... gym (lol) after a long time. We walked back from gym till K-star so we could catch up on each others life.

While waiting for the bus I was surprised to see Karishma and Shivankit in Chembur.
Neil took off from the bus stop while I accompanied these two non-chemburkars to Kharghar where we were joined by Kittu.
Kittu and I had still so much to talk about Mussoorrie but seemed we were boring the intelligent lot of our group so we engaged in topic best for the foursome.

Straight from the gym my stomach was shouting to have some protein intake so my friends from Kharghar took me to a beautiful place called Tava. We all relished on our Sholay kabab and Lassooni Kabab and headed to CBD to meet the 5th person from our group - Damini (lol).

She carried with her 24 double trouble and we ended the day on chocolaty note. Why does the unplanned days work the best ?

Daddy Dearest

I'm continuously striving to see the positive in every aspect of my life. But it's not always easy.

Belgium 2009

I was 18 when I got through my 1st and only real job. It was also my 1st interview ever and my father had accompanied me. He had full faith in me but I doubted the world outside my colony. Getting through an Airline job was tough especially when my colony was the only world I'd ever known. I had nothing to lose hence staying positive came easy to me. And it worked.

For my interview I got a suit stitched and my dad readied my documents. I remember he had also accompanied me to the passport office at Worli. At that point I was religiously preparing for that one question - So, tell us something about you  ? And I'm glad it was asked in each round by different people.

He had waited for hours outside the building for me. When I finally stepped out to give the big news he calmly replied - Mujhe Toh Pata Tha (I knew it) !!! He was the happiest I could tell and boasted about my achievement for the next 4 years until I quit.

First Class Service Training 2008

He hated my decision to quit. He had rightly warned me about the change of lifestyle post this job. It did get tough for me as I shifted from Rickshaw to Bus and from London to Lokhandwala. But flying had to come to an end.

Flying was special. It was nothing I imagined it to be and everything I couldn't have possibly dreamed about ever. The flight attendants job was one of the best things that happened to me. It gave me more than I could have asked for and I'm ever so thankful to the company. Quitting that job put an end to certain insecurities but on the other hand it gave way to some new ones.

Buckingham Palace 2007

Today I think I had more fire in me at 18 then now at 25 - No pun. I was passionate about becoming something in life until over exposure spoiled me. My life - and all our lives -are filled with challenges that make it difficult to always stay positive. I want to be like the horse with blinkers. It sees only what's in front and keeps going. I think I need to focus better. Or maybe I'll just ask my Dad to accompany me to Karan Johars office. His company might just work again you see. And the horse and the philosophy can go get some fodder.



Anyway, let me check - Dadddddddddd....

Insecure Basket

When Lily called up to wish me on my birthday she had a big news to share. She said her sister has found her a good match and she is certain that she is marrying him. It felt like a thoughtless decision taken on the basis of her current hectic work schedule and lack of socializing. But the truth about my angst was that I was insecure yet again.

When Lily left for Mexico nothing else seemed same as before. I made new friends but couldn't repeat the same bond with anyone. So the thought of sharing Lily with someone was upsetting. I thought I was losing yet another great friend. I felt very insecure and doubted if anyone understands friendship like I do. I was certainly not making any sense.

One of my friend Shakshat once asked me to not trust anyone but my own self. I wondered how could I completely give or receive love without trusting anyone ? Did that logic mean I can hurt anyone or act irresponsibly and back off by saying - I had told ya not to trust me !! Friendship means more to me so I bid him a mental farewell ( taking into account his other antics too ).

I was told I'm a great friend to have around. A Virgo all the way, I'm great at giving advice and I almost love unconditionally. So when I got closer to someone new Aneeka stopped hanging out with me giving lame excuses. It was unfair and drained me emotionally.

After days of avoiding I met Lily again on Facebook. She seemed as absorbed with the new development in her life but was worried if I felt left out. She was quick to show she cared and it instantly made me happy again. Her words made me realize that what we share is exclusive and will remain one forever. And what her to-be-husband will provide her is what I won't take responsibility for.  What if I found someone ? Her reassurance was all I needed to understand why the whole world left and she stayed to become my best buddy ever. We are priceless.

Well, friends are friends because they share something very stupid in common and not because things they don't. Bad intention are unforgivable but a friend can always be forgiven. I realized I had to ignore differences and give my friends a lot of space to create a beautiful bond. I shall never ever be insecure about losing my friends because the real ones will always stay even if I goof up big time or act stupid.

So there I was cool as a cucumber understanding fraands and fraandships.

( Names of people and places are changed )

Missing : Tasneem Songerwala

Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart !

I was 17 when I 1st stepped out of my colony.

Everything outside BARC walls fascinated me. I was that guy who 1stly never had friends and when I did I did not hang out with them much. I avoided going in crowd. I found everyone my age to be mean or may be I was ultra sensitive. I very well fit the introvert description and certainly was a bit bitter to have had no friends. I just couldn't trust anyone forget about opening up.

But this story is about that stunningly beautiful lady with a more beautiful heart who turned out to be a strong and trustworthy anchor to my wandering teenage soul. It was a turning point in my life.

( May 2005 ) One afternoon early to the class I sat inside the Air-Conditioned admins office when I saw her walk in. She looked no ordinary. A diva in every sense. I died and reached the sweet haven when she turned around and asked others looking at me - Who is this young gentlemen. I almost peed in my pants. If it qualifies then that was our 1st interaction ever.

I'm Tasneem Songerwala, I'm your aviation instructor'' she introduced herself with a heart melting smile as our jaws dropped. I remember she had worn a pista green slim fit formal shirt and a formal brown knee length skirt with a belt. She had a glamorous existence and she knew it very well.
I was sitting on the corner seat smiling ear to ear because Ms.Magical was now going to be my instructor for next one year.
I left no opportunity to impress her and soon I was her blue eyed boy. Everyone in the class envied me.
14 years of flying experience and travelling the world oozed out in every small gesture of hers. She talked flirtatiously and we never had a dull moment in her class. What made Tasneem Ma'am strike a cord with all the students was her sense of humour that would have us rolling on the floor. My favourite would be her inflight stories.

Once she asked Hanika to leave the classroom because both of us couldn't stop laughing and I, she clearly knew was at fault. Moments like this reaffirmed that I was indeed her favourite, very clearly.

She managed to make me believe that I wasn't an outcast. The introvert in me was dying and she understood me like noone else ever did outside my family. At home I was a tiger but now there was a strong need to be accepted by the outside world. So when she came along I surrendered. I was awestruck but now I respected her more for seeing the real me inside.

Half way through the year came a sudden halt to this journey. She announced her exit from the academy. She was leaving India for good. Almost all of us cried the day she broke the news. This was the 1st time I saw her sad and soon she was gone. I wasn't prepared for it. I was hurt and somehow felt left out all over again.

Years went by and I missed her more every passing year. Wondering if she remembered me. I wanted to share so much with her. But she had vanished without a trace.

(2008) Years later I saw her at Mumbai domestic airport. Ofcourse where else could I have possibly met her. I was in uniform. It was exactly how I wanted her to see me. With every stride I walked faster. As I came closer I realized it wasn't her. A little disappointed I moved ahead with a big smile. It didn't matter if it wasn't her just her thought left me feeling so positive and rejuvenated for the rest of my life.

Once I troubled her to an extreme that I kept sending her voice-mails because she wouldn't  pick up my phone. I also remember how she failed me in a presentation because I assumed she would never fail me. But she did. It was 26th July 2005.

When my friends say missing someone is so painful I correct them and say missing someone is the most beautiful feeling. It can only get you smiling.

Tasneem ma'am lives in my heart and I'm sure one day I'll meet her in person too. For now half my prayers are answered. How ?

One fine day last year (2011) something unbelievable happened. I got a Facebook request from her. I smiled I cried I smiled again. It was a surreal experience to see her again, virtually though. I think she took time to recollect my face. But then that also makes me think if I added her on Facebook. Guess the excitement left me with no memory of the actual. I had my folks right behind me with their chin on both my shoulders looking at her snaps. Finally they had a face to the name Tasneem Ma'am.

(August 2012) 17 to 24 and she is my most favorite person on earth. A part of my peronality when you meet me still and will always reflect her. A lot of me today wouldn't have been there if I never knew her. I still trouble her with my side of stories and the connection just seems exactly how it was in 2005.

It's beautiful how some people walk into your life out of nowhere and leave such a big impact. From being introvert to not so introvert now I have come a very long way. It was Tasneem Songerwala for me, my angel. Do you have someone like her in your life too ?